I used to have it in spades. Inspiration I mean. It was around every corner. Hidden in every song I heard. Beaming from each new day.
Now? Not so much.
I’m not sure where it has gone. I am certain it couldn’t have gone far. One thing I know is, I’m ready for it to come back. I’m ready to have a mood strike me and have no choice but to embrace it and create something. Anything. ANYTHING I tell you.
It’s not as if I’m not trying, either. Really. In the last few weeks I have made quite the effort to expand my skill-set into areas I never thought I would venture (nor thought I had any reason to venture into). I can now say that I am a knitter. I have officially knit seven baby booties. I haven’t quite gotten to the eighth because by number six I was already pretty convinced I hate knitting.
I have also learned a little bit of hand lettering. It’s all the rage now.
I have regressed into the world of baking that I once so avidly pursued and have, quite possibly, given the majority of my husband’s office mates diabetes from the copious amounts of treats I have forced upon them.
Oh that new blanket on the couch? Yeah, I crocheted that. (Seriously people take the yarn away from me.)
Places like Pinterest and Instagram used to provide a window into the creative minds out there in the world. Now I find it is either so authentic it comes with 17 hashtags or you know, this. Maybe I’m the problem. Maybe, just maybe, I’m a little too cynical. I should see the beauty in an Instagram of someone’s perfect summer day with perfect mermaid hair and absolutely no sweating even though they live in Texas and it’s 100 degrees in the shade. I should see the beauty and ingenuity in a repurposed denim corset. I should, right?
I guess it has just gotten a little overwhelming for me lately. The abundance of pinspiration and beautifully styled Instagrams that are being passed off as everyday life have kind of worn me out. They have made me ask myself, “What do you have to offer that isn’t already out there in the world?” Particularly now that the bar is set so much higher (referring to the curated images… not as much the “healthy” recipes that consist of cream cheese and three cups of sugar). In the past I never particularly cared about that question and I published what I wanted to publish and I created what I wanted to create. If people read it or cared, great! If not, okay and on to the next thing.
Now? Now, I find it daunting. It doesn’t feel as fun anymore. I doesn’t feel as natural. Maybe I’m just out of practice. So moving forward I am going to keep trying, keep practicing, until it feels natural again. I am going to remind myself what it feels like to put something out into the world and like it for no other reason than it is my own.