I’ve lost it.

My sanity? Possibly.
My ability to multi-task? Most certainly.

You know, I used to be somewhat of a master of all-the-things.  Not just really great at accomplishing tasks within a certain objective. I mean, really being great at saying, “yes!” to everything and managing to accomplish it all well.

Those days are, apparently, over.

It seems that despite my intimate knowledge with the fact that I am no longer able to function on on 0-4 hours of sleep, I continue to say, “yes!”

As many of you know, I own a small business. I am also a newlywed. I have two (yes! we have added to the family) pups and I started this blog in hopes of creating a space for my thoughts to breathe. Well. This was all going just fine until I added yet another (very time intensive) project to my already long list of priorities.  Thankfully at this point the holidays have come around and provided a bit of a reprieve from the hustle.
Speaking of which, hey. It’s nice to be back.

I suppose there is a lesson in here somewhere.  I have come to a point in my life where despite my best efforts I am no longer able to juggle everything. (Shocker!)

When I reach the point of I’m-so-tired-I’m-going-to-have-a-toddler-meltdown, I begin trying to validate my exhaustion. I usually do this by updating my LinkedIn. A website for which I have still not really figured out how it works or why I need it, and have subsequently requested to join the professional network of everyone I have ever met. Sorry about that.

It is nice to know though, that other professionals can see that I have worked hard for my exhaustion. All my sweet husband has to show for it are frozen burritos and a grumpy mallory.

Timely enough, I have been stumbling across several articles from Brain Pickings about the value of leisure and play. Small reminders that we are not here simply to work ourselves to death or accumulate accolades which turn out to mean not much of anything. Reminders that our focus should shift as our day does.

Heading into this new year I am going to fight the urge.  I am going to narrow my focus and stare hard in the face of a few important objectives.  I hope this for myself not only from an exhaustion perspective, but also knowing that I need to learn to allow myself to be focused. I need to allow myself the space to spill out into everything inch of the project in front of me. To give my full attention and intention.

I think Annie Dillard says it best:

“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.”

I’m going to work on spending mine better, with more intention. I hope the same for you.


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