//The post below is an old little something I stumbled upon. I still like it. I am no longer in the dating world as I am happily married to the boy I met at 18 and never thought I would get the opportunity to love. But I like this. I like remembering all the late nights and the unsure steps. I like remembering when people come into our lives and the rules change.//
I used to be a romantic. I mean this is the most obvious and cliche sense of the word. I believed in mixed-cd’s with cryptic titles and even more obscure liner notes. I believed late night phone calls were the bearer of all truths. all of this, while still holding these things to be tiny elements of a love i wouldn’t ever really receive.
Honestly, I enjoyed the challenge of wooing someone. I was even good at it, i think. I mastered the art of coy messages and perfectly planned surprises. I had completely constructed my relationships to fit within the confines of ‘the way it should be.’
I’m sure it is a bit trite to say i was wrong. That love is bigger than all of that – the notes and such. or maybe even that love is none of those things and that i was simply a naive child. Or maybe it was easier. Easier to put that much space between me and another person than to actually sit in silence with them. Easier than trying to figure out how, maybe, the system of beliefs we have been following is skewed. Easier than simply taking the risk at being wrong.
So i’ll be trite.
The logic then followed as such: at least if I was left, I know I did everything ‘right.’
I woo’d. I cared for. I showed I understood how this was supposed to go. Clearly, it was something lacking in them that made the relationship end.
There is something to be said for an element of surprise. For a move that wasn’t planned to strike at the exact right moment. I have begun to see that this narrow window of time and space that exists between right and wrong, should and shouldn’t is where little victories lie. It is in this small instant that we experience hints of the way it should be. This sliver of a moment where there is no time to cue up a song or pick the perfect words — that this is when we get brave.
We get brave and move because standing there is not an option. We only have a small moment, so we move. forward and outward filling the space until it dissolves away.
I like this:
‘don’t be strategic or coy. strategic and coy are for jackasses. be brave. be authentic. practice saying the word ‘love’ to the people you love so when it matters the most to say it, you will’
– tiny, beauitful things // cheryl strayed
I no longer live with the assumption that love is any one thing. I try not to live with many assumptions, really. However I do know that it takes a good bit of courage to recognize those surprise moments and move into them. So be brave. Open your eyes and move forward.